last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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