Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
