I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
