she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
