I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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