and you said cock pushups were impossible
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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