"it" just moved
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
