oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
