Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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