margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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