You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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