So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
