would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
