I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
