Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
