Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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