you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Randomize
