How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
