she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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