Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
