3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
