If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
