get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
