Where is the hickey?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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