I cannot find my penis.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
