I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
