By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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