Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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