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• (847): View more from Illinois

  garbage

  (248): View more from Michigan

  garbage dick

  (847): View more from Illinois

  rubbish cock

  (248): View more from Michigan

  you win

  Fav 3 2902 1258

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• (516): View more from New York

  gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long

  (917): View more from New York City

  Thats what she said

  Fav 13 2425 1095

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  It was like doing yoga with his dick in me

  Fav 107 9963 1131

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.

  Fav 9 4566 1298

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight

  Fav 25 1939 6109

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there

  Fav 14 1502 3312

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.

  Fav 4 1855 1100

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.

  Fav 2 825 1421

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• (+02): View more from

  I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods

  Fav 1 1276 605

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.

  Fav 14 2101 996

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• (516): View more from New York

  Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.

  Fav 6 678 444

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves

  Fav 2 89 128

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?

  Fav 1 42 27

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?

  Fav 0 51 8

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.

  Fav 0 84 21

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