I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
