Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
