I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
