glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You did what with his pubic hair?
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