I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
