I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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