end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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