Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
