that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
