His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
