Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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