Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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