32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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