the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
