Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
