If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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