I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
