I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
