Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She announced her abortion via fbk
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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