my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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