sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
